


Siri Stress

by BarPurple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Swearing, Technology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 06:11:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: Rumple is the master of more magic than you could shake a stick at, but that doesn't mean he finds modern technology simple.





	

It had to be done. It was the 21st century in the Land without Magic, (although why that was important Rumple had no idea), but apparently his trusty flip phone was no longer the thing to have, according to Henry it had never been the thing to have, so Rumple was now the dubious owner of an iPhone 6. 

Henry had been very patient explaining the basic functions, (his grandson was a much better teacher than he was, Rumple would have ripped out a heart or two after the first half hour), but he could now make calls and send text messages. His grasp of the camera function was still a little shaky, but Belle had found the off centre ‘selfies’ he had taken adorable.

He had to admit the sleek phone did fit in his top pocket better than his old one ever had. The problems didn’t start until a one quiet afternoon when he was puttering around in the shop. Belle had never been comfortable with him using magic at home, but they had reached a compromise that the shop was the best place for his spell books and potions. Everything was going well until his pocket chirped into life.

_“I am sorry I did not understand that.”_

Rumple frowned and carefully placed the vials he was holding on the workbench. 

_“Please rephrase the question and I will try again.”_

He pulled his phone from his pocket and frowned at it.

“What the hell?”

_“Did you mean the town of Hell in Grand Cayman?”_

The screen lit up with pictures of a tropical destination. Rumple shook the phone but all that did was switch the images around.

“What do you think you are doing?”

_“What you are doing today. I have no diary entries for you today. Would you like to add one?”_

“No I bloody wouldn’t would you shut up!”

For a brief instant there was blissful silence. 

_“There are several blood drives in your area, shall I book an appointment for you?”_

Rumple jab a finger at the screen hoping to land on the button that would shut the infernal contraption up. He managed to make the damn thing bleep a lot, but didn’t stop the voice responding to his increasingly frustrated curses.

“Oh just fuck off.”

_“I would never speak to you like that.”_

Being chastised by an electronic voice was the last straw for Rumple.

Belle arrived in the pawnshop an hour later to find Rumple humming serenely to himself as he tinkered with a timepiece. His new cell phone was on the workbench, pinned to the workbench by a dagger through the screen in fact. 

“What happened, Rumple?”

He glanced at the stricken phone and shrugged; “The voice in the box was being rude and unhelpful.”

Belle walked back into the front of the shop and called Henry.

“We need to go with cell phone plan B for Rumple.”

“Ah, I wondered why he wasn’t answering my texts. What happened?”

Belle smiled at the curtain and lowered her voice; “I think Siri started replying to his monologuing.”

From the back room Rumple shouted; “I do not monologue!”

His denial might have been convincing had Belle not been able to hear him muttering to himself. Henry laughed; “I’ll pick up a new phone for him and I’ll disable Siri this time.”

“Thank you Henry.”

**Author's Note:**

> I should mention that this fic came from a moment with my mate D, who got told off by Siri for trying to look up a song title that featured swearwords. Siri was not amused, but we rolled around on the sofa laughing like loons.


End file.
